As you might expect, women in divorce are diligently seeking effective coping mechanisms; they are seeking something that will take away the pain.  Something that will bring back some sense of normalcy to life – to the extent that is even possible. Of course, it is somewhat easier to cope with divorce if you have a close circle of friends, a supportive family, or if you're part of an active faith community. These resources can provide you with substantial support when you need it after divorce. But even if you don't have these particular support structures in your life now, there is hope. You can begin to cope with divorce with other tools. Tools that you might not have considered so far. Tools that will see you through in your own way at your own pace. Your break up was unique and your recovery will be unique. As a woman in divorce you are coming out of your marriage from a different place than others before you. There is a path for you alone to follow after divorce. There are appropriate tools for you as you get through your relationship break up on your terms in your own way – the way you lived your life.

The Role of Your Friends?

Just when you need them, some of your friends might vanish. Please don't blame them; they are doing the best that they can. One of the most upsetting aspects of divorce is that your friends disappear. It is very troubling when people you care about go out of their way to avoid you so they are not forced to take sides. Many couples don't want singles around because it upsets their delicate balance. You never know, they might be having difficulties of their own. There are some unwritten rules among couples and a single person could lead to discomfort among the couples. Even though they mean well they might avoid you when you need them the most. Do not despair. There will be women who will come into your life to support you and help as you need them and reach out to them. Other friends will be there for you tried and true. You will find out quickly who is on your side, who you can talk to, and when they can no longer provide support to you.

As you sort through what happened in your divorce this retrospection can help you to gain valuable insights. These insights can lead to your most important lessons – sometimes before you are ready for them. Your goal as you cope with divorce is to find your bearings. You have so much inherent value as a person just the way you are. In the past your roles as wife, mother, caretaker, chauffeur, mediator, and the myriad of other roles gave your life a deep sense of meaning. When those old roles are shaken loose it is only natural that you feel shaken as well. As the healing process advances, women in divorce can begin to build new foundations and new roles to help provide support in new ways.

What is Next?

The future awaits. Your future awaits. So what will it be? How will it unfold? What will be your new life purpose? What dreams can set you on a new course for a new life? Your future will be different than it would have been, for sure. But you have the power to shape the future in ways that you never thought possible. When you are ready.

If your feelings are still raw as you try to get through your break up these concepts might seem impossible to consider; impossible to imagine. But rest assured as you begin to take the steps to rebuild your foundation, your new foundation, you will begin to see more and more each day that there is a ray of hope. There is reason for hope. There is an opportunity for you to share in the joys of life. Even if you start out with only fifteen minutes a day living in peace and calm, that is fifteen minutes of bliss you can build on for tomorrow. And the day after that. On and on as you build.

If you're still in the initial stages of grief you might be wondering if you will ever be happy again. This feeling is very common among divorced women; there is no reason to be afraid. If you are still in the initial stages of grief you might be worried that your future is bleak; there is no reason to be afraid. As you begin to take concrete steps in your healing you will learn to appreciate all of the blessings that you have, cherish what is still in your life, and begin to find joy in ways that you did not think possible before your divorce. You will make room for forgiveness. You will make room for happiness, a little at a time, day by day. It gets better day by day.