What would happen to millions of our elders if tomorrow their family caregivers all went on vacation, became ill, or just plain quit due to exhaustion? Yes, disaster.
As an example, the medical system routinely fails to include the family caregiver as an integral part of the team. Why don't we teach the caregiver what the patient's blood pressure range should be, what actions should be taken when it is outside those limits, and how to use the equipment to take the reading? Because there would be no reimbursement! Therefore the system sends a nurse to the home or the patient must be bought to the doctor otherwise nobody gets paid.

There is one example of how well the system has helped people to care for themselves, the diabetic patient. They are taught how to measure their own blood sugar, what actions to take when it is out of range and, provided the equipment and supplies they need. The medical system would be overwhelmed if diabetics were not able to care for themselves. Maybe the system thinks diabetics are smarter than the rest of us, or that they care more about their health and well-being than the rest of us. One way or the other, diabetics are given enough respect to be treated as a trusted part of their caregiving team.

What can we do, other than write newsletters and complain? Maybe we need to take a lesson from Molly Katchpole, the 22-year-old nanny that stopped the banks from charging debit fees and just do something. Tell the doctor that from now on you are going to be on the team and need to be kept informed. Staying with the blood pressure example, ask what the high and low limits should be and what actions should be taken based on specific readings. No one will give you the blood pressure cuff so you will need to get one yourself. They range from a $15 dollar basic unit and piece of paper to record the results, or if you can afford more, a cutting edge system that will keep the records, send alerts to anyone designated when the limits are exceeded or if measurements are not being taken.

Now, whether you provide the healthcare professionals a list of the blood pressure history you have written down or access to an electronic record, you will have started to get the respect you deserve, as well as becoming a more effective caregiver of a safer elder. Maybe it is too much to think about changing how the system works, but we can change how we work.

Family caregivers get no respect for the incredible value they add to the eldercare system.