The prize for a life shared is memories—some tragic, some joyful, most falling somewhere in between. Some are memorialized in photo albums, others only in memory. Some are celebrated with quiet remembrance of how you survived and became stronger as a couple. Others are celebrated with a popped cork. Most are celebrated with a fond smile.

One of my favorite memories is from a 1998 trip to Peru.  After 30 days of local cuisine served on our four-day hike in the Andes, on our five nights of camping in the rain forest, and on the floating islands in Lake Titicaca, my husband Dale and I would have sold our souls for a hot dog. Our last day was spent in the capital city of Lima wandering aimlessly down one street or another. Maybe it was divine intervention, maybe it was just dumb luck, but as we turned a corner, there in the distance glowed the neon sign of a TGIF. Like brood mares who’ve caught sight of the barn, we headed straight for Buffalo wings, cheese burgers, and Budweiser. It was divine. We thought it couldn’t get any better. We were wrong. Just up the street was a Dunkin’ Donuts. We bought a dozen assorted.

  The next morning we propped ourselves up in bed, flipped open the donut box, and popped the cork on a bottle of champagne we’d been saving to celebrate our time in Peru. We sipped champagne from plastic hotel glasses and ate the entire dozen donuts before snuggling back under the covers for—well, you know, before heading to the airport and home.

Moments like our Peruvian breakfast are the glue that binds a couple. While some memories are more momentous than others, shared experiences need not be monumental to be precious. For instance….

Chandler and Chelsea remember the day when, as newlyweds, they planted the rose bushes, now fully matured, as one of their most treasured memories. As they worked together, they shared their dreams about their future, the family they hoped to have, and their aspirations. Now, many years later, they continue to visit the rose garden whenever they need to talk or just want to feel especially close.

Lynette and Gary like to revisit the day when they were on a hike, sat under a tree to enjoy the view, and while holding hands, decided to start a family.

Rosalie and Kent were in the Peace Corps together and remember fondly the day they strolled the bazaar in a small Kenyan village. Nothing momentous happened that day. It was just a beautiful day that, for whatever reason, resonated with both of them.

Donna and Karl lost their 10-year-old child to cancer. They certainly don’t celebrate the anniversary of the day their sweet girl died as one would celebrate a happy event, but they always observe that day with reverence and gratitude for how they survived her death together and found solace in each other. They celebrate their daughter’s birthday with gratitude for the 10 years she was with them.

Susie and Joel journal, not every day, but when something memorable happens for one them, he or she enters it in the journal that they share. Every so often, they pull the journal off the shelf to see what the other has written and talk about it.

A life lived together is a complex tapestry of the good and the not-so-good, the joyful and the tragic, the challenges and the triumphs. All couples have ups and downs.

Getting through the down times is a lot easier when you harken back to and relive feel-good memories simply by saying, “Hey, remember when….”