I have discovered over the years that many children take on the role of caregiver, but find it difficult because of past experiences, hurts, and grudges. Many child/parent relationships did not go the way they were intended or the way we had hoped. Unfortunately, this is a very common occurrence in life. Many caregivers have taken on the role out of a deep sense of duty and obligation to do what is right, not because they are close to their elder who is now in need.

The first thing you should do is accept your elders for who they are and not who you wish they were or had been in the past. Take into account the stress and the cards they were dealt in life. Most parents repeat the parenting style they experienced and don’t know how to break a bad pattern or even realize that there was a problem. Your elder might not have been perfect in their life…but who is? Realize that most people do the best that they can with the skills and talents that they have. Try not to look at their weaknesses and faults. Focus on their pure humanity and any positives. Find any common ground and start a new relationship from there.

I realize that your caregiving challenge is costing you time, money, and energy. So try to make the best of it. This fresh approach to the relationship could deliver a great sense of serenity in both of your lives. Accept your elder’s limitations and face the future together with a fresh slate. It’s always a small miracle when you realize you can’t change the past.

By accepting your elders in this way, you are also honoring them, and this is a powerful way to move forward. You’ll be better equipped to deal with your caregiving challenge. Your energy won’t be sapped by negative thoughts. If you have children, look at your caregiving responsibility as an opportunity to be a role model for them. Do your best to let go of any anger and old hostilities. Once you do, harmony can prevail.