If you are like most boomer women, the last thing that you ever expected was for your marriage to end in divorce.  No one does – we all go into marriage with forever in mind. But alas, it was not to be forever after all.

Coping with Divorce

Now you might be wondering how to cope with your relationship breakup and divorce. Many boomer women try to bury their feelings; others simply get buried by them. As you might imagine, neither one of these is the right approach. So what is?

There is not one easy answer that works for everyone. Your relationship was like no other. You are like no one else – you are wonderfully unique.  But even with these inherent differences, there are proven methods that you can use.

So here you are; there is no turning back.  You comprehend your situation differently now. Perhaps it is clear now that your values don't align. Perhaps it is clear that you were on very different paths, that you wanted different things. Now it is clear that any amount of past love will not fix what this. Perhaps even as you tried to morph into what you thought you needed to be, it just didn't work. Where does the love go? What is next for you? Can you go on?

Yes, You Can Go On

It can be particularly difficult when all of your friends are married.  You begin to sense that they are looking at you differently. They might not call you as often or invite you to events as much as before.  But, yes, you can go on, and yes, you will go on.  Here is an interesting quote by Helen Rowland:  When two people decide to get a divorce, it isn't a sign that they "don't understand" one another, but a sign that they have, at last, begun to.  This is a time for you to begin to understand a lot of things.

A divorce in the neighborhood could be a threat to others in shaky marriages.  They could be thinking: “If it happened to you, then it could happen to them”.  So please do not take it personally.  It does mean though that you will likely need to widen your circle of friends to include some singles in the mix.

Whether you are on the brink of divorce, in the middle of one, or just coming out of one - there can be a very deep sense of loss. It can be all-consuming. It can be incredibly complex and multi-faceted. Your feelings are swirling. What you thought you had, is now gone. Your very image of yourself could be shattered. In times like these, I am truly sorry that you are in pain.

The Shift to Recovery

The shift begins; the beginning of your recovery is the shift from your sense of what you don’t have to acknowledging what you do have.  What is still in your life?  Do you have health, faith, family, friends, nature, pets, talents, hobbies – you name it?  Take some time to take stock of what is still in your life to help you gain some perspective.  Then give thanks for what you have.  It might sound simple and trite, but it really works.  Trust me.  I work with women who report that this is a turning point for them. It can be a turning point for you too.

Healing From Divorce

In upcoming articles related to How to Survive a Divorce we will examine what is needed to put your life back together. To help you find the light at the end of the tunnel - your tunnel, your light, your way.  Along the way, I invite you to share your feelings.

Just Say No to the Status Quo TM